Cast The First Stone

Dear Diary,

This past week, I saw a video that not only went viral, but also reminded me of an event that happened in my life. The video was of a young woman, from Hampton, Virginia, standing before the congregation at True Vine Apostolic Church of Christ, announcing that she’s pregnant. She goes on to apologize for getting pregnant and proceeds to ask the church for forgiveness. Once she was finished, Bishop Terry W. Jackson, the pastor and founder of the church, followed up by saying, “Ain’t no baby showers going on. That’s what you lose out on. When you have a baby out of wedlock, ain’t no showers. And nobody at this church ‘bout to attend one. Momma shouldn’t have one neither.”

The video caused quite a stir and countless debates among church goers and non-church goers. Some people felt the pastor was justified and they used James 5:16 to support their argument (but only the first part), “Confess your faults one to another” (KJV)

I’m all for confessing your faults and sins but I honestly believe (and this is strictly my opinion) that James was not saying to confess your sins to a whole lot of people. Only to a small TRUSTED circle of people who will love, cover and restore. Delicate information getting into the hands of busy bodies is not good. Everybody can’t handle another person’s transparency. They’ll end up doing more harm than good to the individual who’s doing the confessing.

I’m more so on Team John 8:7, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” (NKJV)  Let’s be real. After that young woman in Virginia sat down, every member in that church, to include the pastor, should have taken the mic, laid out their laundry and asked for forgiveness.  Don’t “call her out” and not call out Deacon Elroy who gets drunk and beats his wife, Sister Martha. Or Sister Diamond and Sister Mercedes who both want the Minister of Music so they gossip and spread lies about each other. Or Trustee John who’s stealing money from the church. Or Mother Agnes who keeps up mess. Nah, playa, you was wrong for just singling out that young woman like that.

I was 22 years old when I got pregnant with my first child. I too was not married AND I was a youth leader smh. Blasphemous, I know. When I found I was pregnant, I was more so nervous telling my bishop and my pastor more than I was telling my parents. I already knew what my parents’ reaction would be. True to form, one was disappointed because, “What will the people say?” And the other was ecstatic and supportive from the start.

I remember that day like it was yesterday…

I was climbing the stairs leading up to Bishop Greenlee’s office. I felt like a condemned prisoner walking to meet death face to face. The only thing missing was a prison guard shouting out, “Dead man walking!”

When I entered the office, Bishop was sitting behind his desk and Pastor Petty was seated in one of the chairs. Bishop greeted me with that huge smile he was known for.  Pastor Petty stood up to hug me. When he put his arms around me, I broke down….HARD! He held me until I was able to get myself together.

I sat down in the chair. The room was silent. No one spoke a word. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally got enough courage and whispered, “I’m pregnant…I’m so sorry.” The tears began to fall again. Pastor Petty gently took my hand into his and held it. Neither one of them said anything for a moment. Then Bishop broke the silence.

“Kelley…look at me.”

I shook my head no.

“Kelley, I need you to look at me….please.”

The only thing I lifted were my eyes. The necklace of shame I donned, weighed heavily around my neck, making it impossible to raise my head. Once eye contact was finally made, Bishop tilted his head to the side and that infamous smile appeared once again.

“Kelley, you don’t need to apologize to us. Have you asked God for forgiveness?”

“Yes.” Another whisper.

“Do you believe He’s forgiven you?”

“I want to believe He has…but it’s hard.” My voice was determined to stay at level 1.

“Kelley, God has forgiven you. He already knew this was going to happen before He sent His son Jesus. I want you to understand, you being pregnant is not a sin. You being pregnant is the result of having sex. Now hear me clearly, having sex is a not sin. Having sex while not being married is the sin. When you asked God to forgive you, He did. Now I need you to forgive yourself. You have so many gifts and talents that will benefit the world and the enemy knows that. He wants to silence you by keeping you in bondage emotionally, mentally and spiritually. You gotta fight it. The good news is you won’t be fighting alone. We’re going to help you.”

Bishop began to pray. I didn’t hear the words of his prayer...I was praying my own prayer. I asked God to forgive me again and to help me forgive myself. I was never one to believe in an “instant or suddenly” deliverance because I never experienced one…not until that day. When I asked God to help me, suddenly (and I do mean suddenly) I was at peace. I kid you not! This soothing feeling overtook me. I literally felt a warmth in my heart. I felt God’s love…like for real. I was no longer numb. I was rejuvenated, revived, renewed. I was reassured of my worth. 

Once Bishop ended the prayer, I told the two of them that I was stepping down as youth leader and getting off the worship team. They asked why and my response was, “Because of the parents and the church people. What will they say about a pregnant unwed youth leader who also stands front and center on the worship team?”

Pastor Petty had been quiet the entire time until then. He made it VERY clear that I was not stepping down from anything and that he would handle the parents and anyone else who had a problem with it. Bishop and I chuckled because we both knew what that meant.

Some people did have a problem with me remaining in leadership and true to fashion, Pastor Petty handled it lol. Everyone else showed me so much love. They prayed for a healthy pregnancy, a smooth delivery and a happy baby. They threw a baby shower for me and it was HUGE! Bishop’s mother, Mother Greenlee, made the cutest baby

blanket for my son. I still have it to this day.

I took Bishop’s words to heart. I used my pregnancy as a platform to encourage abstinence and to practice safe sex. Safe sex?? Yes, safe sex. Let’s be honest, most people, young and old, don’t do well abstaining from sex. They wanna get they freak on lol! Might as well be smart about it.

Until next time - Live life to the fullest – Laugh often – Love hard.

~ Kelley ~