Friends. Lovers. Strangers

Dear Diary,

I love Lizzie. I really do. I plan on making her my wife one day but I’m at my wits end.

She’s upset with me…again. She’s giving me the silent treatment…again. I’m not sure how long this episode will last. The current record so far is a week and a half.   

I didn’t mean for my response to come out the way it did.

She asked how I was doing - but she asked it the way people do when they don’t really care about the answer. I responded the way I usually do, turning the question back on her.

I didn’t realize how sharp it sounded until I saw her expression.

She went quiet after that.  

And she’s been quiet ever since.

Why can’t we go back to how it was when we were just friends? We never had arguments. Whenever we had a difference of opinion we joked and teased about how crazy the other’s viewpoint was.

Over time our friendship transformed into a relationship and that's when things began to change. The joking and teasing faded and the arguing began. After a while, Lizzie didn’t just use the silent treatment - she perfected it.

In the past, I would send countless text messages, leave numerous voicemails, post songs and love quotes on social media. I’d lose hours of sleep hoping she would respond. Hoping she would talk to me.

But this time, it’s different.

There will be no countless text messages. No numerous voicemails. No song dedications. No sleepless nights. The desperation I once had to make things right with Lizzie has vanished.

All of this could have been avoided if I had just answered the question honestly.

“How are you doing?”

“Not good. We’re holding on to something that died long ago simply because, in the words of Gladys Knight, ‘Neither one of us wants to be the first to say goodbye.”

But I didn’t say that. Instead I responded the way I usually do, turning the question back on her.

Friends. Lovers. Strangers….the evolution of me and Lizzie.

I don't know when we stopped talking but I know when I stopped chasing.

~ Devin ~