She Thought She Had to Have It!

Dear Diary,

The other night, I sat down and binged watched the drama series She's Gotta Have It. Just like the movie, the series is written and directed by Spike Lee and he does not disappoint. The characters are still colorful, the scenic shots of New York are spectacular, the art work is breathtaking and the music is hypnotic.  

Nola Darling is the main character. She’s a young, talented artist who lives in Brooklyn, New York. She loves old movies, good music and she has three lovers (well four if you count her on again/off again relationship with Opal). But this entry isn’t a review. It’s more of a reflection. As I watched the series, for a second time, I realized that once upon a time I was Nola Darling. (insert gasp and dramatic music) Yes, you read that right. I was once Nola Darling.

Just like Nola, there was a time in my life when I had three lovers aka The Three. And just like Nola, each one served a specific need in my life. Or should I say a specific desire in my life.  Or was it more so they fulfilled fantasies in my life?  There I go, getting sidetrack. Let me get back on topic. Where was I? Oh yeah, Nola and I even shared the same rule: “Do not get attached!”

Hear me out. At the time, I wasn’t looking for a relationship or a commitment. I enjoyed having my freedom. I enjoyed being able to move and go as I pleased. I didn’t like the idea of having to “check” with someone to see if it was ok for me to go here or go there. And if I’m truly being honest, I enjoyed the excitement and thrill of having multiple partners with no strings attached. That’s how it was with The Three. No strings attached. They knew were they stood with me. They knew about each other. They knew the “terms and conditions” our “relationship” and they agreed to it.

Let’s take a moment and meet the fellas, shall we:

 First we have, Dr. Feelgood. He was older, well dressed and a creature of habit. I would call him whenever I wanted “mature” love making. You know, romantic settings like rose petals scattered on the floor and on the bed…a candle lit bath…soft music…tender kisses…fingertips caressing the skin…and slow, deep strokes. He was also my “Sugar Daddy” if you will. He always came through when I was in a bind…always made sure I was taken care of. He adored me and he treated me like a goddess. I absolutely loved it. But I loved sending him back home even more. Sometimes he would forget the details of our arrangement. He would ask, beg even demand that I break things off with the other two and be in a committed relationship with only him. No matter how hard he tried to conceal it, whenever he got that way, his possessive nature would crack through his armor of self control. Me in a committed relationship with him and that dominant ego? No thank you.

Next we have, Mr. Showman. He was around my age, had a decent job but he also had five kids and three baby mommas. Even if I wanted to be in a committed relationship with him, that wasn’t happening because of one of my dating rules: “No Kids!” It’s not that I don’t like kids, I don’t like dealing with vindictive baby mommas. You know the type I’m referring too. The type of baby momma that’s still mad about the break up 8yrs later. Or the type that threatens to keep the child away from the father every time he gets a new girlfriend. Heaven forbid if the kid and the new girlfriend like each other and get along. That father won’t see his kid until that kid turns 18. Or what about the type that wants to have the child support increased because the father bought himself a new t-shirt? Yeah…those types of baby mommas. Anyway, as I was saying, I would call Mr. Showman whenever I craved variety. Like me, he enjoyed role playing, trying new positions and experimenting with toys.

And finally, my dude, Young Blood. He was younger than me and often times his immaturity would work my nerves but he was fun. Young Blood was good for that hardcore sex. You know, rough, choking, biting, hair pulling, ass slapping, hard, fast and dripping with sweat sex. He was young so that was all he knew. Afterwards, I would be in desperate need of a lengthy soak in the tub.

Now before you start calling me all types of names, you have to understand. I didn’t set out to have three lovers. It just sort of happened. Each one served a specific need. And each one was only good at what they were good at. One time I asked Young Blood if we could switch it up and try it slow for a change. That lasted all of one minute then he was back to being fast and furious. Another time, I asked Dr. Feelgood if he would put his hands around my throat and talk dirty to me. By the way that man looked at me; you would have thought I asked him to participate in a mercy killing. My request threw him off his game. He immediately began to interrogate me. Asking why would I make such a request because “that’s not what we do.” Instead of me spending the night having multiple orgasms, I spent the rest of the evening reassuring him that he still satisfies me. I made a vow to myself to never ask such a thing from him again.

I was content with how my sex life was. Everyone knew the role they played. And everyone knew what their purpose was. Three different lovers and I had no emotional attachment to either one of them. Life was good and I wasn’t about to give that up for anybody!! Then one day I met a man like no other. A man, who was determined to KNOW ME before he got to “know me” in the Biblical sense of the word.

This man stimulated my mind. Our conversations were meaningful and exhilarating. He wanted to know my thoughts…my opinions…my dreams…my goals. And he listened intently to every word that flowed from my lips.

This man revived the artistry within me. He inspired me to explore the world of my imagination. And as I crossed the boundary line, headed on what was sure to be a great adventure, he held my hand every step of the way.

This man praised me when I did well and encouraged me when I was convinced that I didn’t.  He told me when I was right and while still having my back, gently corrected me when I was wrong. He never belittled me or made me feel foolish.

This man was gentle, attentive, passionate and patient. He captured my heart and tamed the wild child within. He was hell-bent on penetrating my walls of defense and he broke through victoriously. I threw out every rule in my book to include the #1 rule: Do Not Get Attached!

This man became my best friend before he became my lover. He converted me to the religion of monogamy and I became a faithful follower.

This man was more desirable than Dr. Feelgood; more adventurous than Mr. Showman; and his freakiness surpassed that of Young Blood. He was truly a master craftsman. He was the only man for me. My heart, my mind and my body had no desire for anyone else but him. I cut all ties with The Three and turned in my playa card.

His name? The Truth…and he has set me free.

Until Next Time,

~ Asia~